"I came across your website yesterday, and spent the morning crying," read the letter from England. "What beautiful heart touching stories. Thank you for providing a way of sharing this with the world. They are messages and truths people are waiting to hear." In this guest article, Veronika Robinson shares her own inspiring experiences.
Bethany the Ballerina and Eliza the Enthusiast!
by Veronika Robinson
She is five years old now... our "loved into existence" little girl. Bethany enjoys a carefree life in a small rural village in Cumbria, Northern England. We've chosen to home educate, though she does go to a ballet class once a week. Her choice. She'd wear her tutu all the time given half the chance!
In January 1995 I was mourning the loss of a dead-end relationship. I went for a holiday back to where this man lived in the vain, belated hope we could make it work. Late one evening in a state of helplessness I sat in his orchard staring skyward... only to notice the clouds in the shape of a baby in utero. Along with this form came the "silent" voice telling me it wouldn't be long till she came.
I knew enough of these things not to dismiss it entirely or think I was going mad, but it did seem odd given that I was now partnerless! I stayed on this man's yacht for the duration of my holiday. Holy Days? The next night under another beautiful evening sky I was overwhelmed by a strong presence assuring me that time was drawing near. I almost felt the stars touching me. There are some experiences in life that just defy mortal words and expression. This was most definitely one of them. I really felt as if I had been touched by an angel.
The following day I was drawn to a harbor side antique store in the New Zealand town of Hastings. A small painting of ballerinas begged me to take it for my daughter! I must add ballet is not a passion of mine, and know it was not me wanting it for me. The voice was insistent, which was tricky because my money supply was very low. I bought it anyway!
The previous year, I had been to England for a working holiday and in that space between wake and sleep a voice told me I would write a book on beautiful births. "Right," I laughed - what do I know about that?
My mother had eight children, the last three of which were unassisted home births. Fortunately my knowledge of birth extended to the fact it was natural and women were amazingly empowered Goddesses. The voice/presence literally dragged me to the local "new age" bookstore and very nearly dropped two waterbirth books off the shelf in front of me. I must say these were heady days and I felt very connected to the "other side."
I left my job as a media officer for Compassion in World Farming and spent six months living in Cornwall... meditating, walking the winter beaches and reading. I devoured those waterbirth books. Could it be that a soul really wanted me to be its mother? But what about the father? My experience with men was not exactly the stuff to write home about. I returned to New Zealand and worked for Unity Church as a Minister's assistant and workshop facilitator.
While there, I saw the name Bethany in a Metaphysical Bible Dictionary. It means "The House of Figs" and the "overcoming of affliction." The presence was there again saying that she wanted that name. Did I as a mother get a say? Hardly. I like the name but I have never been passionate about it. Still she was adamant that Bethany was her name.
Finding Father
It became very clear that the ideal man was my choosing and would appear when I was ready. A long "shopping list" emerged, a tall order for any man - but sure enough he came. I can't remember the exact order of things, but... someone who would sing to me; a vegetarian; wonderful sense of humor; spiritual outlook; who wanted children with me, etc. My darling husband Paul is a singer by profession. He has been vegetarian for about 27 years and has two beautiful grown up daughters, giving him a headstart in the parenting stakes! We met through the new thought Unity Church. Paul has the ability to make me laugh no matter what mood I am in. He is not only the man I created but a wonderful human and an amazing father. My girls couldn't have chosen better.
We didn't have a courtship. That first night we played a game called the Transformation Game. It is very effective at moving blocks and masks that we adults wear. Paul raised questions about a relationship. My point of focus was whether to have a child. It was interesting to see the accuracy of the angel cards and other messages that came through for both of us. Full steam ahead!
We just moved in together overnight. We knew that we were meant to be. Did Bethany bring us together? Was she in a hurry to arrive? It would seem so. She was conceived six weeks later. On the night of her conception, we made love by candlelight and beautiful music by New Zealand musician Jeff Clarkson called Butterfly. It is still our favourite music for creating a peaceful atmosphere. Paul invited Bethany in with his usual humor - something like "This one is for Bethany." Well, she was listening!
We planned a gentle waterbirth at home. Bethany has moved and shaped our lives in many ways, but also the lives of countless others.
Bethany chose to come into this world through water. She came quickly. Her birth was professionally videotaped by our friend Carol, who normally shoots weddings! During my pregnancy we founded the National Waterbirth Trust in New Zealand, as there seemed such a scarcity of information. We set about offering a telephone counseling service for expectant mums and led workshops for both parents and birth care professionals. Bethany's Waterbirth video has been shown around the world and is still used extensively by midwives in New Zealand to remind women of their gentle, awesome birthing power. What a gift she has given!
The Gifts of a Difficult Birth
Our darling Eliza was born just twenty-two months later. Whew! Every clairvoyant/psychic who ever passed my way said Eliza was a boy, apart from a palm reader when I was ten who said I would have a very big girl. Eliza is definitely a she -- just happened to be born ten pounds four ounces and has always been full of life.
I wasn't aware of preconception communication directly with Eliza. But I was at a spiritualist type meeting when Bethany was a few months old, when the reader called out to me and said another child was on its way, very soon. Too soon.
Still we prepared for another gentle home birth in water. I ordered the birth pool. When I set it up the outside liner wouldn't fit. It was too small. Panic. I ordered another. It arrived. Oh no! It had tears in it. More panic. The third arrived. Same problem. Someone must have sliced them with a knife when removing them from a box.
Well, her due date was approaching. No more ordering liners. I just used sticky tape! Though I did comment several times that I thought the baby was telling me it wasn't coming through water. I didn't want to listen.
A month prior to birth, I held a Blessingway ceremony where I invited women friends and relatives to give a bead for me to thread onto a necklace while in labour, as a gift to my baby. It is a Navajo Indian tradition.
Paul's aunty in England sent us several beads including some from his long deceased Nana Eliza. We both wept at the time because it just felt so special to have the essence of her with us. A day or two before the birth I said to Paul maybe we should choose a girl's name in case all the clairvoyants were wrong. He had jokingly referred to the name Serena because he wanted a child serener than our toddler Bethany! He chose the name Eliza, after a woman he had loved dearly. Paul had long felt we were having another girl. He figured since he had three already that he could only make girls!
At forty weeks plus seventeen days my second baby decided to make an appearance. My labour was slow and sluggish (I know now I was zinc deficient). My midwife, Sian, asked me to birth at a nearby hospital because in New Zealand it is illegal to have a home birth after forty weeks plus ten days. I plunged myself into the large birthing pool. As my waters hadn't broken, Sian ruptured them, and labour came on with a vengeance.
Eliza's head started to crown. And then went back in. She was stuck - shoulder dystocia! No wonder she didn't want me to have the pool set up! (Dystocia is when one of the shoulders or both get stuck, stopping the baby being born.) I was blessed with a skilled, aware midwife who was able to get my baby out by having me open my pelvis as wide as possible, standing on one leg with the other stretched up and out onto the ledge of the birth pool.
Eliza was born blue, not breathing (the shock of getting stuck, no doubt). Sian put her straight into my arms. I instinctively started rubbing her, knowing she needed oxygen. Sian said she would need to go up onto the resuscitation table. Paul carried her there and sang to her the whole time. Up until this point it had just been our home birth midwives with us, plus my mother, a friend, and Bethany. A staff nurse came in and started "bagging" Eliza (resuscitating her). My birth plan went out the window big time.
As it was just a small local hospital, we were transferred to the main maternity hospital with a Newborn Intensive Care Unit. The story beat us there: failed waterbirth baby. Apart from the fact that I was the foremost authority on waterbirths in New Zealand at the time, the staff just would not hear that water had nothing to do with this. They assumed Eliza had gulped in water and her lungs were full. They overlooked the dystocia and set her on a course of antibiotics.
I called in our cranial osteopath Madhu and she worked gently on Eliza's shoulder and her lungs. Miraculously, that night Eliza was off all the machines. Unfortunately, Madhu was severely reprimanded by the head of the Unit. Ironically, after we were discharged all the staff nurses could do was talk about the brilliance of cranial work!
Every moment we were touching Eliza, rubbing homeopathic arnica and rescue remedy into her tiny soles, about the only part of her body that was not connected to a machine. We sat with her around the clock, Paul, my mother and I. In fact the first breast Eliza ever latched on to was my mother's. They wouldn't let her take mine in case the flow of milk choked her! The staff were insisting she must have a pacifier because her tiny, dry little mouth was so busy searching for me.
It was a battle every step of the way. They were desperate to give her formula through a tube. "Why?" I begged. "I have mountains of milk." "Oh yes, but this will just help her along." I managed to make sure she got only my liquid love. Though she didn't have milk till day three, by day seven she had put on 700 grams! She doubled her birth weight by three months. Breast milk or unwavering mother love? Or both?
As time goes on, I can see the gifts she gave to us and others by going through what has always felt like such a nightmarish experience. The staff discovered that not all women are ready to sit back and be told what to do. They discovered through this little soul that there is another way than the standard medical practices of NICU, that babies do have feelings and intense needs and are not just clumps of meat waiting to be poked and prodded. A lot of changes, for the better, began to happen in that ward as a result of Eliza's journey here.
Eliza's gift to us is her enthusiasm for life. It is so intense and passionate. Everything is just so exciting. She celebrates every moment. Did her touch and go start give her an appreciation for life that the majority of people don't hold?
Eliza is three now. I miscarried two years ago. It was a mixture of relief and grief for Paul, the girls and me. We buried the blood loss into the garden and made a patch of flowers. Bethany and Eliza were sure I was carrying twins. I let them name their siblings in Spirit. They chose Cli Cli and Isabella.
Tugging on my skirt
About a week ago I had a vision of a handsome little boy of about five or six standing in a field. Smiling. He whispered to me one of my favourite sayings: "A well rested field gives a beautiful crop." He was telling me he would wait - I presume till Eliza sleeps through the night and stops breastfeeding!
I had chosen the name Isaac Raphael when expecting Eliza. Lately I had been thinking that maybe I would use the name Raphael first if I ever had a boy. The boy in the field told me it was definitely to be Isaac Raphael. Okay... I am listening.
Last night, a friend asked me to go to a spiritualist meeting. The reader correctly said I had two children in the physical world that I loved as equally as the one around me in spirit. It felt like a nice confirmation of the one tugging at my skirt!
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Veronika Robinson is a mother, wife, author, and founder of the National Waterbirth Trust in New Zealand. She resides in Cumbria, England, where she offers Blessingway Workshops: Celebrating life transitions through creative and conscious choices. She also publishes The Mother Magazine. You can contact Veronika by email or by post at: The Cottage, Glassonby CA 10 1DU, Cumbria, England.