I was supposed to die on November 17
I was supposed to die on Wednesday, November 17, 2004, but I didn't—because of a dream. I had the dream on the night of Monday the fifteenth.
In my dream it was Wednesday morning. My husband was up before me preparing for the day exactly as usual. At the time he was doing some repair work on the heating system of one of our rental houses. He popped into the bedroom where I was still in bed half asleep and asked if I could run an errand for him to the heating and plumbing supply store (Leming Supply) in the nearest town. I told him I could because I didn't have anything important planned for the day. He asked me to get the stuff to him before lunch, if I could, and told me he had left a list on the kitchen counter for me. He left for work and I got up, did my usual shower, cup of tea, read the paper routine and then left to run his errand. I took the "through the country" route to town, picked up the heating duct pipes, and headed back to our little town, again through the country. I had just turned off the highway onto the back road and, while crossing a bridge, a white semi tractor-trailer came speeding down the hill, roared into my lane, and hit my car head-on.
The next thing I knew I was floating above my body, which was being operated on frantically by a lot of doctors and nurses. I watched for a few seconds or minutes, it's hard to know how much time was passing. Then I floated to the waiting room, where my family was gathering. I saw my husband, his mother, my parents, and 3 of our 5 children. The kids decided to go out for a smoke and I floated with them. Once outside, my youngest son came walking up, said his wife was parking their car, and asked how I was since last they had talked. He lives in Chicago and the hospital was in Indianapolis (I recognized which hospital I was in), so this was at least 4 hours after the wreck. While I floated there watching the kids, the tunnel of light opened up, and although this was at a hospital where lots of people die all the time, I knew that this was for me. I looked at the kids and realized that I had done what I came to do this time around, the kids were all adults and would be okay without me, and I was ready to go.
So I said a goodbye to them and turned to go into the light, but just then a group of young people came out of it (by young I mean 30-ish). A very lovely, willowy girl, with long straight dark hair stepped forward and said (telepathically) that they were my grandchildren and that she, as the oldest-to-be, was their spokesman. They wanted me to know that it was indeed a time for me to go and that I was indeed ready, but they had chosen me to be their grandmother and they had come to ask me to stay here. They had lots of plans and knew we would have a lot of fun, but the choice to stay or go had to be mine.
Somehow, I had never thought I would be a grandparent; my goal for this life was to have and raise children, something I had never done before. I think I had known I would die young and not know my grandchildren, if I ever had any. Anyway, I said of course I would stay, my heart had just absolutely melted with love for them all, although I couldn't tell exactly how many there were and only saw the faces of the lovely girl who did the talking and two others. She said then that Katie, my older daughter, would be announcing that she was pregnant in April (this was November). Then they all turned and went back through the tunnel.
The next thing I knew was listening to the doctor telling my family that they had lost me on the table, but had gotten me back and it looked like I was going to survive the accident. I was in very bad shape, however, and would have to have a lot of therapy to be able to get around. I might end up in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.
Then the dream ended.
I dreamt the same dream two more times that night with more or less the same details, so by the time I got up on Tuesday morning I pretty much had it memorized. I thought about it all day and went to bed that night with it on my mind, wondering what the next day would bring.
Wednesday morning my husband got up, did his morning thing, then came into the bedroom where I was still in bed and asked if I could run to Leming Supply and pick up some ductwork for him. I said I could, because I didn't have anything important to do. He asked if I could get it to him before lunch and told me he had left a list on the counter for me. I got up, did my morning thing, and headed out to run his errand. I took the back road to town, got the ductwork, then sat in the car wondering if maybe I ought to take a different route home. But in the end I decided that since everything had happened exactly like the dream so far, I just had to know the rest. (Everybody I've told this story always interrupts here with an "are you an idiot?") But I just had to know.
Well, I turned off the highway onto the county road, crossed the bridge, and...no white semi. So I thought, well this has been one big coincidence, ha, ha, ha. I went on up the hill, around the curves, topped out on the hill and saw on down the road that there was a train holding up traffic. I ended up having to stop and wait for the train. Imagine my discomfiture after the train passed when I saw that the first vehicle in the line of traffic backed up in the on-coming lane was a large white semi tractor-trailer. It was, in fact, the truck from my dream, apparently stopped by the train long enough to keep us from having an accident and keep me from being disabled for the rest of my life. (I have since dreamt that after I told the kiddies I would stay here for them, they went to the powers that be on the other side and asked to have my chart changed so I wouldn't have the accident and be disabled and would be able to do the things with them they were planning. I had been wondering why everything in the dream happened exactly as I dreamt it, except for that one detail.)
Katie did announce her first pregnancy in April the next year (she had been trying for a couple of years and had been on fertility drugs). But the pregnancy didn't take and she miscarried a couple of weeks later—very devastating for us all. Except for one thing—the girl in my dream had been, in appearance, totally unlike Katie and her husband and I had been trying to figure out how she was going to be their child. The other two kids I could see (a boy and a girl) definitely seemed to be hers, stocky with round smiling faces and masses of dark naturally curly hair.
Two weeks later my youngest son and his wife announced that they were pregnant (we hadn't even known they were thinking about children, let alone trying). And the willowy girl with dark straight hair now made sense. I told the kids about the dream and that they were going to have a little girl—which they did. Shortly before she was born, I dreamed about the group of grandkids again and a very happy smiling young man popped out from behind the two I could still see (the willowy girl was gone from the dream). The young man was dark blonde, looked very much like my oldest son and had his girlfriend's big beautiful blue eyes. And just before Elle was born (the girl with dark straight hair), Brad announced that they were pregnant.
When Noah was born he had dark blonde hair and his mother's big blue eyes, and he is the happiest child. He is now gone from the dream as is Katie's little Gabe, who joined us nine months after Noah. Gabe's hair is becoming very curly and although it is blonde now, so was his dad's when he was a boy and it is very dark now. Recently, our youngest said he and his wife are trying for their second and I dreamt about a young man coming out of the group who was the spitting image of James. I've also seen a little curly-headed dark blonde girl, again with her mom's blue eyes, who has to be Brad's next one, but they aren't trying right now so I'm not talking about that... yet.
One part of the dream that bothers me a lot is Katie's little girl. She's still there, in front of the others, smiling and happily waving. But because of all her physical problems, Katie has decided not to have any more children. Her doctors have assured her that Gabe was indeed a miracle. And in order not to take a chance on another miscarriage (she says it would kill her now that she has a child, to lose one), her husband has had a vasectomy. I wonder if the girl is the baby Katie lost and if now she won't get to come.
On a happy note, I get to be babysitter for Noah and Gabe three days a week while their moms work. Elle lives 1 1/2 hours away, but she is here as much as possible, plus I go visit as often as I can. I couldn't do so much with them if I was disabled, so not having the accident was a good thing.
The dream is like my talisman. A reminder of what almost was. And a reminder to live and love and enjoy to the fullest what is.
Sue J. For more of Sue's amazing soul connections with her grandchildren, see the new Letter!
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